The addiction

Someone recently asked me if I have any vices. I didn't really know how to respond to that question, because I've always been the straight-laced type and don't really have any major habits that could be considered maladaptive. I don't really gamble, save the occasional grad student poker night. I'm not addicted to crack. I drink in moderation (ok, except when I'm in WI). I don't have any weird sexual compulsions...or at least, I don't think they're weird. So, really, I'm kind of boring in the vices category. I think I responded by saying "sweets," because I will do some serious damage to anything that has sugar. I mean, I won't even buy sweets half the time because I'll just inhale them in one sitting and then have to feel guilty about it later. But, frankly, that's a pretty lame vice.

But, yesterday, I figured out what mine is: knowledge. No, really...hear me out. I think I'm addicted to knowledge.

I've always been the smarty-pants type, but I don't necessarily think that just because you're smart you also have a potential addiction to knowledge. There are lots of people who are objectively intelligent and capable but who just don't give a damn about learning new things or seeking out new information. And there are others who may not exactly be grade curve-breakers, but who have a genuine thirst for knowledge. But recently, I realized that I'm addicted to knowledge. I just can't get enough.

I realized that I might be an addict because I realized I might go crazy if I didn't have access to new ideas. Like drugs, I constantly want to have access to the newest, "designer" ideas. New ideas and knowledge give me an instant high...they make me
want to get more of it, to revel in the feeling it gives me, and to always know where my next new ideas are going to come from. I love the idea that there is theoretically no limit to the new ideas or knowledge I could acquire...that there is an endless source and that I will never run out.

Maybe I get such a high from ideas because of the idea that "knowledge is power." The more you know, the better able you are to navigate through a lot of different situations in life, from handling the car mechanics' jargon to making yourself independently wealthy through smart investing. You can communicate with a wider
variety of people, from different backgrounds and different cultures. You can do any number of things with lots of knowledge, and I like that. I like that my options are unlimited.

Knowledge is also something that can never be taken away, save brain damage or the onset of dementia. The house may burn down, you may lose your shirt in the stock market. Your spouse might leave you, your friends might hate you. But knowledge will always be there, even if you don't want it to be. It's like the BFF you never had. Knowledge is also a way to invest in oneself, to cultivate your skills. To my best estimate, my brain and the knowledge it holds is worth about $200K right now, between 4 years of undergrad and going on 5 years of grad school. That's a pretty pricey habit if you ask me. But, on the flip side, the lifetime earning power of my brain is quite huge...perhaps a conservative estimate would be somewhere around $2M, not including inflation and interest. :) So, maybe this addiction will pay off in the end...

The best part of my addiction is that it's not illegal. It doesn't have any major health side effects, short of developing a fat ass, sitting at my computer or reading books. The only major negative side effect of my habit might be psychological distress. Ignorance really is bliss, people. Although knowledge gives me a sweet, sweet high, it can also enrage and depress me. Once you start to strip away life's assumptions and facades, it can be a very bleak existence. But, luckily I have a strong dose of optimism and pure naivety to keep me sane.

So, there it is. I've bared my soul. I'm an addict. Some people self-medicate. Some cut. Some have risky hobbies or taboo compulsions. Unfortunately, my addiction is a bit less interesting. Quite frankly, it's totally nerdy. But, I like it, and it can't get me arrested. At least not yet...