Tranny got pack

Although I already spend a considerable amount of time thinking about gender issues and sexuality, tonight's adventures forced me to (re)consider them in great detail...

So, I'm out celebrating a friend's birthday and we end up at a dance club. I am the odd-woman-out given that I am the only person in our group who does not have a spouse/significant other to dance with. However, that's not necessarily a problem seeing as I can hold my own on the dance floor. But, what that *does* mean is that I am the likely target to be picked up by men who scope the floor looking for someone to dance with. I liken this experience to being the "weakest link" or the gazelle who is being targeted by hungry cheetahs in an African dessert. It seems that men tend to strategize for this moment: find the weakest gazelle in the group and attack (normally from behind). I usually try to prepare for this moment by having some sort of code or call for help so that my gang knows when to intervene, which in my case has recently been the "sound of a dying giraffe": Mwah...mwah.

So, I plan for these "attacks" cuz I'm a planner like that. However, the rules (and my call for help) suddenly change when the attacker is no longer a man--a cheetah, if you will. Instead, I am being solicited by a female-to-male transexual who seems to want me to engage in some sort of dance-off with him/her. So, because I like to dance, and because I figure "what the hell? let's see where this goes," I dance with the tranny. He/she is sort of a punk rocker type: wearing black from head to toe, spikey hair, lots o' piercings, even a dog chain, I think. He/she is a good dancer, and he/she compliments me on my dancing. I continue with the dance-off as my group of much stronger gazelles looks on, probably wondering what the hell I'm doing dancing with someone who is clearly a woman. They probably even wonder if I *realize* I am dancing with a woman. At any rate, the tranny turns the dance-off into a pick-up attempt, asking if I have a boyfriend. I mumble that I do have a boyfriend, but the tranny looks on in disbelief, asking where he is if said person exists. I say "out of town"--for a second, I think about asking the tranny if he/she has a boyfriend, but then I reconsider, wondering if I should "out" him/her and let him/her know I know he/she is a woman by reciprocating the "do you have a boyfriend?" question. Where is Ann Landers when you need her, damnit?!?! What the hell is the appropriate etiquette for questioning someone's sexuality? I decide to not ask the question back and introduce myself instead. As it turns out, I am dancing with "Ace"--come on! (By the way, does that make me Gary?) Don't you think that someone who is going to that much effort to become the gender he/she thinks he/she is meant to be would pick a "better" name than Ace? WTF? Eventually the dance-off/pick-up attempt ends and Ace goes his/her way, leaving me to return to the group of gazelles.

But, because I'm a high need for cognition kind of gal, I keep wondering what this interaction means. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. What about me attracted the tranny to dance with me?
I would like to attribute this pick-up attempt to my mad dancing skills--maybe Ace just has a deep appreciation for phenomenal dancing skill. Hmmm....maybe not.
Instead, I am left considering if I am appealing to the tranny. Again, I would like to attribute this to my intense sexual aura, which knows no gender boundaries. Hmmm....maybe not. Ace is clearly a "butch" sort of tranny, so is he/she operating on a similarity principle and soliciting me because I, too, am "butch"? Or, is Ace soliciting me because I'm an attractive feminine type (I *was* wearing my hot red dancing shoes, you know), thereby operating on a contrast type principle? (Hey, this could be believable because Ace hasn't seen me play softball, flag-football, or any other contact sport which would clearly de-bunk my "feminine" facade.) Alternatively, do I just come off as being a welcoming or otherwise friendly and accepting person, and that's why the tranny approached me?
Of course each of the reasons I've suggested so far assumes that there *is* something about me that prompted this interaction--am I just being egocentric or falling prey to that damn fundamental attribution error? Instead, maybe Ace was just operating on the "weakest link/gazelle" principle and only approached me because I was in the most vulnerable position at the proverbial African watering hole.

2. What *is* the protocol for dealing with this situation?
Ann Landers seriously needs to send me a note about this, because I have no clue. Is it rude to tell someone that you know their gendered secret? Should I just play along and pretend I'm dancing with a cheetah when really I know I'm dancing with a lioness? I have set no precedent for these types of interactions because I have never had a tranny try to pick me up....well, at least that I know of. Is it more awkward to interact with someone while keeping secrets or "unmentionables," or is it better to put it all out on the table and risk creating hurt (or otherwise awkward) feelings?

3. Feeling sexually objectified is not bound by sex of the perpetrator.
Ok, so I get creeped out when strange men eye-fuck me, but how should this feeling translate when the perpetrator is a tranny? I was trying to interact with him/her as a woman--"be cool, he/she is just another chick." But, he/she still eye-fucked me as a man. You know, he/she eyed me up and down, lingering on specific parts of my body. Sure, women check out other women, but they don't eye-fuck them. How am I supposed to feel when the oogling is done by a woman, dressed and performing as a man? Gender *is* performed, you know. Feeling aside, I find it interesting that this oogling or eye-fucking is so gendered. That is, there's nothing biological about the fact that men eye-fuck other women. There's no gene that makes men do it--it's something that's socialized. So, I find it interesting, and a testament to how gendered these aspects of male-female interactions truly are, that this woman-trying-to-be-a-man oogled me from a man's perspective. Is that what it means to be a man? I guess the tranny thinks so....or at least that's how he/she decided to perform gender in this situation.

Hmm...I wonder when the next performance will be...